I Know You Weren't Expecting This Tonight
by flowermasters
Summary: Hank's the genius here, but Alex and Raven figured something out long before he did. - XMFC oneshot, Hank/Alex/Raven.


**A/N: Wow, I've been absent from the fandom for a little while. I'm working on two longer AU Hank/Alex fics at the moment, but I'm having trouble with both of them at the moment, so I decided to ... word-vomit a Hank/Alex/Raven threesome ficlet? The title of this is inspired by a line from "Kiss My Lips" by Dev ft. Fabolous. **

**Warnings for: some language, sexual situations (nothing too explicit), horny teenagers, Alex and Raven being horny, Hank being (adorably) clueless.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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Hank has his eye pressed to the microscope lens, focused intently on the cells drifting in the Petri dish, when there's a knock at the lab door.

"Come in," he calls. The door opens, and in walks Raven. His cheeks heat up almost instantly, and he tries not to follow the sway of her hips with his eyes as she crosses the room. He wonders what she'll do to him today – touch his leg, or lean so close to him that he can smell nothing but her perfume, the scent reminding him of orchids and mystery. He wonders if he has the same effect on her that she has on him, and dismisses the idea. He probably smells of laboratory chemicals and quiet desperation.

"How goes it?" she asks, coming to stand next to him. She reaches out and runs her fingers along a piece of paper he's been scribbling on. "Your handwriting is terrible, by the way."

"I know," Hank says. "It's looked the same way since I was three."

She raises her eyebrows. "You were writing at _three_ years old?"

Hank feels like now is not the appropriate time to tell her that he could have dismantled a car engine and put it back together by the time he was six. "In finger paint, yes."

She laughs, and it's so quick for her fingers to make the jump from the edge of the table to gently tap against his kneecap. "A genius from the very beginning. I bet your first word had four syllables."

Hank laughs a little nervously and tries very hard not to look at her hand. People don't touch him like this, not ever, and it's thrilling and terrifying in equal measures. Surely Raven must understand this – she understands so much about him. They're in the same predicament, after all.

Just then, the door swings open again – it's Alex. He's holding the chest plate Hank designed for him, and it's smoking slightly. His blue eyes are sharp as he walks across the room. "Your contraption broke, Bozo," he says, coming close enough to toss the metal disk onto the table. "Am I interrupting something?"

The gentle press of Raven's fingertips leaves Hank's knee, and his cheeks grow hot again. Alex is another person who Hank wonders about his effect on, but he knows it's not the same as the way Alex makes him feel, because Alex makes him feel angry and somehow _hungry_, and Alex always has that cool expression on his face, jaw firmly set, smirk constantly in place. "Sorry about that," Alex continues, the corners of his lips quirking. "I'll leave you guys to your sexual tension."

"What?" Hank says, surprised by his directness. Although, this is coming from Alex. Bluntness is a trend with him.

"Don't play dumb," Alex says. "Jeez, Bozo, do you even know what to do with your –?"

"_Hey_," Raven says sharply. She steps away from Hank, moving towards Alex. Raven's always had a short fuse when it comes to Alex, but this appears to be the straw that breaks the camel's back. "Lay off for once, okay?"

"Why don't you let your boyfriend fight his own battles?" Alex responds, raising his eyebrows as she draws nearer.

"First of all, he's not my boyfriend," Raven says, as Hank watches rather helplessly. "Secondly, you're an ass, and I'll fight whatever battles I like."

This time, it's Alex's turn to take a step forward. He doesn't even seem to notice that he does it. "An ass?" he says sarcastically. "I'm _wounded."_

"Yes, an ass," Raven replies. Suddenly, something changes about her tone. It doesn't quite soften, but her volume decreases slightly. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing, anyway."

Alex stares at her. "Please, enlighten me."

"I know why you're always bothering Hank and me," she says. Hank feels like he should intervene – they're standing face-to-face now, and he feels like Alex wouldn't hit a girl, but he doesn't put it past Raven to slap Alex if he mouths off again – but he wants to know what she's going to say, too. "It's pretty obvious."

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but –," Alex begins. The tips of his ears are pink, which is as close to a blush as Hank's ever seen on him.

Raven seems to be done arguing. "Oh, shut up," she says, and then she steps forward and kisses him. Really _kisses_ him, practically slamming her mouth against his and lifting her hands to his shoulders to yank his head down. Alex tenses and his arms jerk a bit at his sides as if he's confused, but then he – starts kissing her back?

Hank just stares at them for a moment, flabbergasted. He has to admit that they look good together, Raven's soft curves pressed against Alex's sharp angles and lean muscle; they also seem to have forgotten that he's sitting a few feet away.

Eventually, they break apart; Raven's panting slightly, and the tips of Alex's ears are now quite red. For a minute, they just look at each other, their faces inches apart.

"How long have you known?" Alex asks, his deep voice low enough that his words sound a little slurred.

"Since the first night we were all together in Virginia," she replies. "You didn't get nearly as pissed as you should have when I made that comment about big feet."

Then, Alex turns his head to look at Hank. "I was kind of wondering how accurate that was, actually."

Raven turns to look, too. "Same here."

Hank stares back at them, wide-eyed. "Um," he says. "Well, that was – unexpected."

"For a genius," Alex says, "you are really slow on the uptake."

They both move towards him, and Hank freezes where he is, unsure of what to do. Raven comes closest, leans in, and gently brushes her fingers across his chin before gripping it lightly and turning his head. "It's about time this happened, I think," she says, smiling, and she kisses him. She isn't as angry with him as she was with Alex, but she's passionate, her plush lips coaxing his to part for her and her controlling grip on his chin surprisingly erotic.

When she pulls away, all Hank can do is stare at her, blinking rapidly behind his glasses. Alex steps in close, too, wedging himself between Raven and the lab table. Hank turns to look at Alex when Raven lets go of his face, and then Alex leans forward and kisses him, too. The position is kind of awkward, since Alex has to lean past Raven to get to Hank, but if she minds them kissing so close to her, she doesn't say anything.

Hank's hands flutter on his lap, uncertain of what to do or where to touch; he'd never been kissed by a girl before thirty seconds ago, let alone been kissed by a boy. It's certainly not unpleasant, though – it's the opposite of unpleasant, actually, it's very, very good. Just as good as kissing Raven.

When Alex stops kissing Hank, he's got that cocky smirk on his face, and Hank has a sudden, strong urge to _fuck_ him. Next to him, Raven makes a pleased little humming noise in her throat, and Hank would really like to fuck her, too. He's still feeling pretty unsteady, though, like this sudden revelation has knocked him completely off-kilter. They both wanted him all along – how could he have been so blind?

Raven smiles reassuringly at him, and thankfully doesn't laugh at him when he jumps as Alex's hands run slowly up along his thighs. "Hank," she murmurs, sultry, as Alex's hands find Hank's hips. "Just go with it."

For once in his life, Hank doesn't ask any questions or try to figure anything out. He just goes with it.


End file.
